Saturday, December 31, 2005

Sometimes I am (Pleasantly) Surprised

So I head to my best friend's house last night. We'd planned a going away/birthday party for her husband who is deploying for Iraq in two weeks. Being that I know all of their friends, I wasn't expecting more than the typical little soiree that has become the norm for us.

I head into the kitchen and there's a man in there. A man I don't know. A CUTE man. Ok, so maybe I don't know everyone? We are quickly introduced with the basic explanation of, "oh, J is in D's unit." We are hopping, getting stuff pulled together and he's stepping up. Loading up glasses, handling food . . . you name it, the guy was stepping up!

All night, I know where he is, even when I'm not looking. We have conversations. We mingle with others. Everyone finally ends up in the living room, except us. We stay in the kitchen and start talking. I start cleaning up and he's right there. I'm washing, he's drying. There's a weird, immediate connection between the two of us that makes it seem like we've been doing it for years.

When the birthday boy and BF go to bed, we go to a bar. (Not a hoochie bar, by the way . . . just Tres Hombres.) My little bartender, G, fixes us a drink. (As sad as it is to have a boy that I used to babysit old enough to be tending bar, it has it's moments!) We talk more.

Then we kiss.

And talk, and kiss, and talk, and have the bar close down around us. We head out, I'm in the truck and he gets me back out. So we can kiss in the rain. Can anyone say damn? We get back in the truck - because it is freezing cold and pouring down rain - and end up out towards River Road. Which is closed due to flooding. So we park. Like 16 year-olds. And resume the kissing and talking.

Shit, I'm in deep here, folks!

Then the polite Sheriff's deputy shows up. To make sure we're OK. Yes sir, we're OK. It may take 4WD to get out of the orchard, but we're OK.

The whole deal is amazing. What's so weird about it is that on Wednesday, I sat in the same seat, at the same bar, with afore-mentioned BF and said that I wanted 2006 to be different. That I needed to love deeply this year. That it was time to quit messing around with these emotionally unavailable guys and be open to the possiblities. Yesterday, I was at the grocery store and saw an old mentor and life-long friend, an amazing woman of God and her daughter. We talked about my intention to let my own sense of timing go. And to be open to the impossible. And how I longed for God to meet my heartfelt desires for partnership.

Then I meet J.

Weird, amazing, hopefully, speechless . . . I always have something to say. But today, I can't quit grinning for long enough to say much of anything.

Except this. While I dont want to jinx it. It has to be recorded, just in case.

He might just be the one.

Happy Freakin' New Year!

Thursday, December 29, 2005

It's Thursday ... and the hormones have settled

So the psychotic nature of Monday has passed. Hormones are funny things - although at times, not so funny! Monday would be a prime example of when they were NOT SO FUNNY! But things have slowly migrated back towards normal wackiness and left the highly worrisome platform of near-explosiveness. Always a good thing!

I do have to say, however, that dealing with men can suck. I think that I survived the last several years by simply not dealing with them. The additional stress they add to my life may not be worth it! Dating it hard. The push and pull is making me insane. I don't have a lot of room for more insanity in my life, so I'm pulling back a bit.

The other area of my life (other than certain members of my family, which I'm wisely choosing not to discuss on a public blog) that is making me a little unbalanced is all of the stuff in my house. I am starting to thin it out, big time. Clutter be gone! I need to start small, however. I really want to go into D's room and empty the closets and go big, but I can't. I need to break it into smaller tasks or I'll never get it done. Then that will certainly put me over the top!

So I'm going to go deal with a bit of my closet . . . just a bit! It keeps me from thinking about the pain in the butt guys in my life!

Monday, December 26, 2005

A New Commitment to Journaling . . . and it's not even the 1st of the Year!

So I spent some time reading through my journaling of the past year. I decided that if it was actually being read by someone (anyone?) that maybe I could present a more positive aspect of my innermost thoughts. Not so morose. Because frankly, if something happens to me and anyone reads my journaling on my home computer? They will think I did something to myself! Intentionally!

Example: (Nevermind . . . Couldn't find anything that didn't name names and use too many swear words!)

So the focus will be to find the positive in my daily life. And there's a lot of it! I just need to write it down so I'll remember.

Today I got to hang out in my pajamas until noon. That's positive! And, when I actually got dressed, it was only into sweatpants for goodness sake! I also got to:
1. Build a Bionicle with D, and really, how do you beat that?
2. Hang out with my best friend and exchange gifts a day late, which is a lot better than a week late!
3. Drop D at an old babysitters and spend some time with grownups.
4. Actually have my furniture repaired by the stupid store that I bought it from, since they are scheduling 4.5 months out for repairs! I've only had this freakin' appointment since August! Maybe if their furniture didn't SUCK, they wouldn't have their repairmen scheduled out so far? Just a thought! (Sorry, I got off the positive track there for a moment. Whoops!)

Anyway, I'm committed to posting to this twice a week. The positive stuff however, I am not committed to. So it might get a bit ugly. Y'all just have to wait and see!